One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
