Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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