"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's always time for handjobs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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