I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
