Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
