It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
