just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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