the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
