I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Terrible idea I love it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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