dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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