I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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