Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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