We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
