I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
