dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
