you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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