She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
