dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am one with the molecules
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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