Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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