I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
