Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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