I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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