i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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