Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it hurts more in the daytime
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All the doctor said was why
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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