last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
