Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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