I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
