glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
