the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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