'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
