Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
