every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
