I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
