it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
