She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
smell my finger.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
