my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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