ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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