wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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