I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
