you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
