When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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