either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
