She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
