You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
