i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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