they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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