is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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