It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
