i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
