my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
