wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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