proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
