haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
